Our CEO is something of a Larry David fan. It’s rare that a day in our office goes by without some reference to Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yes, it’s a crazy office…
So, here we go. If Larry David were a business advisor, these might be his top tips.
6. Never Chat & Cut
Picture the scene…
You’re attending a dry in the mouth seminar… something like, ’Knowledge Management in the Home Counties’ … but decide to skip the morning session early, to get a prime position in that lunchtime turkey curry queue.
What happens next?
The guy who barely acknowledged you earlier, when talking to an industry big cheese, now idles up and engages in less than riveting small talk, thus cutting into the queue.
This is known as ‘Chat & Cut’. It’s obvious, bad form and an issue that tends to get overlooked by Conference Organisers, more interested in securing a key speaker from the latest series of The Apprentice.
Chat and Cut:
5. Always Double Check Copy Yourself
I handed over a simple task to my agent. Dictated it in person to him, right in front of him.
He hands it over to the obituary editor and what happens?
One small typo error with ‘beloved aunt’ and everything is ruined. You got to double check everything. Don’t press send, until you know they’ve definitely confirmed it’s an A.
4. Make Sure You Get The Credit, For Anonymous Donations
Charitable donations are good. Every modern company has to make one and it’s a badge of honour, a sign that we care, we share our wealth. “Like us please …We’re good people.”
But I discovered recently that there is a much better way to win your charitable badge. Submit an anonymous donation, but make sure you still get the credit.
That’s the real winner. Quids in. Who wants to see someone giving money to charity and blatantly claiming the glory. Accredited anonymity is the way forward.
3. Be Comfortable Using Family For Last Minute Networking Withdrawals
We all do it, in fact I think I might have done it again today.
We say yes to a networking offer or dinner party invite but on the day of the event … it’s head in the hands and “why did I say yes to this event?…. I can’t stand him/them/networking/thursdays/scientologists*” (* delete as appropriate)
In these situations, it’s morally defensible to pull out the family illness card.
I’d always include a grain of truth, small sniffle becomes serious virus or extend the incubation period of a healthy kid who long since went back to nursery.
I’m not hear to lead the witness, just to indicate it’s acceptable to be economical with your last minute excuses.
2. If At Risk Of Imminent Terrorist Attack, No Need For Everyone To Perish
Those bad guys are out there and every business needs its emergency response plan. I’ve faced this dilemma, with threat of imminent attack and a group (or my wife) undecided about whether to stay or go.
I was of the view that in the face of any imminent attack and a collective (my wife’s decision to stay, that one should perhaps be able to take a view and get away, perhaps for some golf on Pebble Beach, to ensure that someone in the business (or marriage) remained alive, for continuity.
Were I CEO, I’d stipulate something similar within our emergency response plan, adding a note of the quickest route to my nearest coastal golf resort?
How I Skilfully Dealt With Our Emergency Response Plan:
1. Make Your TV Show Viable For Syndication
Well, it’s kept me in new trainers for a few years. I highly recommend it as a business strategy.
This article was not written by Larry David. It may have been written by someone in our office.
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